Good people of Earth, welcome. How are all of you doing? Have you had your vaccines? I'm doing quite well. No complaints here. I am as content as a cock on a cold day (rooster talk). Yes, yes. I am quite happy.
Just kidding: Once again I am miserable beyond belief.
This misery stems from one reason and one reason only: I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life.
Part of me always figured I'd be a song and dance man. Alas, that is highly unlikely. I can sing. Heck, I can even dance. But, when I try to do them together, someone always ends up dying.
In high school, I was voted "Most Likely To Own More than Five Cats." Mayhaps I should pursue a career as a veterinarian?
No, I don't like war. I've always been a pacifist.
When I was three, I told my preschool teacher that I wanted to be "The Lion King" when I grew up. Should I perhaps move to Africa and explore this possibility?
No, lions are racists.
Should I move to Paris, France and become a supermodel?
No, that will never work out. I've got a nose that you could land a plane on. And all my fingers fell off last week for no reason at all, after I chopped them off.
So, good people of this blog, what should I do with my life?!
This isn't so much a blog post as a desperate plea for help.
But actually, I want to enter the entertainment industry. Development work. Writing work. Trophy waxing. Turtle waxing. Leg waxing. Anything I can get.
So if any of you can help me out with this little dreamsicle of mine, I will knit you a hat and mail it to you. I will also worship you. After that I will change my name to your name, to honor you. Then I will stalk you, and begin living my life as you. Stalking is the sincerest form of flattery. But you already knew that.
With love,
Kattles McGee, PhD
P.S. I noticed that if I do gross porn titles for my posts, I get more blog traffic. So, expect this for now on. Hey, look: nobody said this was a children's blog.
P.P.S. As always, this blog is intended for children.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
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